It isn't just about emotional intelligence and knowing when to just stop talking so that you don't damage relationships with your co-workers, as I've written about before. This is planned silence to purposely create blank space in a discussion or facilitated meeting. When used strategically and effectively, it can help generate breakthrough ideas or help you negotiate great deals.
A decade ago, I had my first VP level job in a pretty big global company. One of my job responsibilities was to facilitate top leadership meetings with the C-suite and SVPs related to their leadership team effectiveness. How they functioned as a leadership team through planned and unplanned transformation was going to make or break the outcomes they were trying to achieve. These meetings were frequently challenging in terms of the content we had to put on the table as well as the personalities and individual politics that existed.
I remember after one difficult meeting, I met with my boss for feedback. She was a member of the C-suite and a meeting participant. In her direct way, she told me that I did a good job but that I talked too much. I was filling the blanks in for people when the conversations got hard.
The Finns — who prize privacy, reserve and the art of listening — are also happy to sit in studied thoughtfulness, says Donal Carbaugh, a professor of communication at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. They are engaged. The frame around silence at that point can be very positive. In the US, it may stem from the history of colonial America as a crossroads of many different peoples, says Carbaugh.
This applies also to some extent to London, he adds. The fact that English speakers are generally so awkward around silence is partly why it can be such a powerful tool. Sales expert Gavin Presman consistently pauses after making a pitch — after reading that counsellors should wait five seconds after a patient finishes speaking.
In business negotiations, a pause between someone speaking and your response can be a surprisingly powerful tool Credit: Getty Images. Ten seconds later the other party said he saw the value of the training and wanted to go ahead. He raised the offer. She repeated her tactic. A group of very close friends, or two people in a long-term, healthy relationship may experience such silences.
These often indicate closeness between those involved, as each person feels accepted enough to withstand a lack of communication without experiencing the anxiety triggered by an awkward silence. The difference between these two states may be indistinguishable from outside the group, but it is vital for those in such a relationship to feel comfortable with their place in a group. Please enter the following code:. There may also be other ways in which a conversation is not as smooth as you would want it to be.
Instead, she suggests trying to identify what brought it about — a disagreement? A controversial statement? IE 11 is not supported.
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